drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize