i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
did i just pee glitter
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize