If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize