He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
