Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
