Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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