Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
