I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
