i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
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She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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