I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
