I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
