Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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