i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
