i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
