wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
