I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
