thus making me awesome and them whores
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
