what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Are we still banned from the library?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
