addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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