arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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