How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
