Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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