If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
