I think I won the penis lottery.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
