Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
