Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize