Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
