spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
