All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
