The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
