Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
