he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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