the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
