I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
