Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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