I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
