just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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