My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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