my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
