I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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