I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just high enough for therapy.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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