I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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