I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
