Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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