So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
