Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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