I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
