My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
