dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
