Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you win again, gameday.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
