batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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