Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
