Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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