how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know her cup size but not her name....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize