So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
