nut hugger
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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