im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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