An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
