FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
