Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
