and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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