Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
