Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize