woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
how does that bad decision feel?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
