jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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