Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
