she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
