Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
