the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
