BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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